Wednesday, 1 February 2012

It's all gone sour

Well, where do I start?

A relationship I thought was solid and couldn't be broken has just sunk like the unsinkable Titanic. He was cheating with my friend, whom I have known since I was 4 years old. Some friendship I had there I now see.

On top of it all one of our married couple friends, have just announced that they are expecting. The happiest time of their life is happening at the worst point in mine. Not only is the infertility on my mind, my body has failed there, but now I have failed at my marriage. Pretty hard to be happy for them.

Wallowing is self pity is not my thing, so going to work and being miserable is now my daily routine. Some fun I am.

My question is, what do you do? Your husband loses faith in your relationship as fertility treatment takes over your life and you need support more than ever. He decided that it was all too hard to stay and live through the pain of being a childless couple in fertility treatment and has started a family elsewhere. Or so she says.......

Thursday, 12 January 2012

About my Journey

I realised I didn't really provide much of an introduction on my first blog. After reading so many other stories, I thought that I might share my own.

I have been with my husband now for 7 years and we have been married for two. Since we were married we have been actively trying to conceive. We had our first miscarriage 6 years ago not long after we first started dating and that pregnancy was unplanned. Now, that we are trying so hard to fall pregnant, fertility is alluding us.

I have had issues with my cycles for as long as I can remember. I have gone through so many OBGYN's due to the fact that nobody could quite work out what was happening and why.
Finally in 2006 I was diagnosed with PCOS and that particular DR just sent me on my way and said to lose weight.

No matter how hard I tried, the weight just kept kreeping on no matter the diets or hours of exercise.
Finally in 2011 we found a specialist to help us with our fertility issues. We have ruled out hubby, in his words he has "super sperm" and so it is all up to me.
I am now currently going through treatment with Clomid and frequent blood tests to monitor all my levels. I am starting to feel like a pin cusion.

On top of it all, my specialist has recently told me that I also have a Subseptate Bicornuate Uterus. Thankfully I don't have the kidney problems that can so often be linked to this condition.
We are at this stage still hopeful for the future with our fertility but it is hard to be positive from day to day knowing that everyone around me is having babies and are falling pregnant successfully.           

13 January 2012

I find it hard at times to be happy for friends and family when they fall pregnant or when they have the safe arrival of their new baby.

This isn't because I am a harsh person or anti-family, it's because not everyone understands the frustrations of knowing that you are the reason why you and your husband aren't able to conceive that baby that you both so desperately want.

Fertility doctors and nurses are great, but most of them have children and didn't have any issues themselves, it must be really hard for them to make the call every month "sorry, but your test came back negative".

Ovulation seems to be the most mysterious body function, nobody really seems to know how to make it work properly when it just doesn't want to work.

And don't get me started on the uterus, that just makes an awful situation even more undesirable.

After 6 months of fertility treatment we are no closer to falling pregnant. Even though the doctors have successfully made my body ovulate. It just seems as though pregnancy and motherhood eludes me.

This seems to be a good place to voice my inner frustrations that I can't really talk to anybody about, I am just seen as a harsh and hard person for feeling that I am a fertility failure and the 15 year old neighbour can fall pregnant as easily as my cat it seems.

Until next time.